mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
