i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
