and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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