I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
