Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
