she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
