i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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