Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
