I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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