Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
