i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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