You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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