Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
