her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
