If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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