My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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