Me too!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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