She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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