i jhust puked up my retainher.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
