she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
