i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
