I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
