She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
