FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
