hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
