Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
