my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
