Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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