Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
