is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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