i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
