I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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