So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
