i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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