Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
