my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
