Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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