Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
