i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
