guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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