what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
