Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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