I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
