Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
