What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
