do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
