I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
