I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
