i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Its about making memories worth repressing
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
