1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
