Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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