so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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