is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
