I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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